LOVE IS A GREATLY FOCUSED THING
Rabbi David Walk
Many times in these articles I've preached against belief in magic. But there are some concepts within Judaism which do seem to smack of the enchanted. Kapparah or atonement is one such principle, and it dominates the immanent Yom Kippur scene. How can sins just disappear? In the words of Isaiah: If your sins are blood-red, they'll become snow-white. If they're red like crimson, they'll become like virgin wool (Isaiah 1:18). That's pretty good laundry service! Maimonides gives an even more powerful image: How wonderful is the uplifting essence of repentance! Somebody can, on one day, be separated from the Lord, God of Israel; one can beg but are ignored; perform mitzvot but they are discarded, as it is written, "`O that there were one among you who would shut the doors that you might not kindle fire on My Altar for nothing! I have no pleasure in you', says the Lord of Hosts, and on the very next day one can be attached to the Divine Presence; begs and is answered immediately; performs mitzvot and they are accepted with repose and joy. Furthermore, God prefers such people, as it is written, "Then shall the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem be pleasant to the Lord, as in the days of old, and as in former years" (Mishneh Torah, Laws of Repentance 7:7). This sounds magical, bordering on miraculous. So, the question arises how does this process work? What is the mechanism for teshuva or repentance to achieve such wondrous results?
In Judaism there are three major human relationships which are continually referenced. They are parent-child, monarch-subject and husband-wife. The repentance season is a three stage progression, which moves through all three of those relationships. The month of Elul represents the parent-child connection. This is highlighted in the famous Psalm which we begin to recite with the inception of Elul: My father and mother abandoned me, but God took me in. Point me down your highway, God; direct me along a well paved road (Psalms 27:10-11). The Hebrew word at the beginning of verse 11 is horeini and could be translated as 'parent me', because the root of that Hebrew word can mean to teach or direct but also is the basis for the modern Hebrew term horeh which is a parent. Next up is Rosh Hashanah which clearly focuses on the Kingship of God. We really push the God as monarch agenda to the hilt. The word melech or king dominates the davening, and is inserted where ever possible.
This brings us to Yom Kippur and the third of our paradigmatic relationships. On Yom Kippur the emphasis is on the fact that we share a marital relationship with God. This may actually be the rationale behind that custom of ancient Israel that marriages were arranged on Yom Kippur afternoon. But the clearest expression of this is again found in Maimonides. There is a custom in many yeshivot to study a chapter of his Laws of Repentance daily during the ten day period from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, ten days and ten chapters. So, please, pay close attention to this excerpt from the tenth chapter, studied by many on Yom Kippur: A person should not say: "I will fulfill the mitzvot of the Torah and occupy myself in its wisdom in order to receive all the blessings which are contained within it or in order to merit the life of the world to come." It is not fitting to serve God in this manner. A person whose service is motivated by these factors is considered to be one who serves out of fear. He is not on the level of the prophets or of the wise. One who serves God out of love occupies himself in the Torah and the mitzvot and walks in the paths of wisdom for no ulterior motive. Rather, he does what is true because it is true, and ultimately, good will come because of it. This is the level of our Patriarch, Abraham, whom God described as, "he who loved Me," for his service was only motivated by love. What is the proper level of love? That a person should love God with a very great and exceeding love until his soul is bound up in the love of God. Thus, he will always be obsessed with this love as if he is a lovesick person whose thoughts are never diverted from the love of that woman. He is always obsessed with her. With an even greater love, the love for God should be implanted in the hearts of those who love Him and are obsessed with Him at all times as we are commanded (Deuteronomy 6:5) "Love God... with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might." This concept was implied by Solomon (Song of Songs 2:5) when he stated, as a metaphor: "I am lovesick." Indeed, the totality of the Song of Songs is a parable describing this love (Laws of Repentance. 10:1-3).
What should be true of the love between spouses? Here I refer to a psychologist and friend, Dr. Mark Banschick, 'Even a successful couple will hurt each other now and then. They acknowledge, forgive and let go. And the hurts they do hold on to are not game changers. Their love is a living field of trust that can deal with disappointment or hurt, like our immune systems can handle minor illnesses… May forgiveness be something alive in your life-a forgiveness that is honest and true. This is a holy thing (Can You Forgive?, posted on PsychologyToday.com, October, 3, 2011). He also said, 'In my mind, the capacity to forgive is a powerful and affirmative part of our humanity. It's the soul's ability to clean away psychic hurt that clings too tightly… Forgiveness is not easy. But, when done right, it can set you free (Should You Forgive?, September 15, 2015).'
So, forgiveness isn't magic. It's an expression of love. It requires us to focus on our love, not on our hurt. We must grant it in love, and expect it from God through our love for the Divine. It's not easy, but it's worth it.